Today was one of those days….the boys were fighting left and right…the science experiment didn’t work the way it was supposed too…nobody would listen…and mom lost her temper. Today was one of those days I just want to lock myself in the bathroom and hide. A day when I question if I really have what it takes to do this…
Homeschool my kids? Really? Yes, I’m a trained teacher…yes I taught 120 middle schoolers a day at one point…but still, it did NOTHING, NOTHING to prepare me for the challenges of teaching my own children, not to mention teaching them while also cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, helping my husband with the business, running errands, looking after pets etc. etc. etc. Some days the weight of it all threatens to pull me under.
I am lucky enough to have a very close friend who also homeschools, and we are both lucky that we don’t both have days like this at the same time. The other day she texted me at lunch and said that was it, she quit, she was putting her kids in school. I called her, and we laughed together, and reminded each other of WHY we are doing this (because the Lord led us to) and unless He tells us there’s a change of plan, we need to stay the course! So I call her, almost in tears, and I am lucky because she stops what she is doing to talk to me and encourage me.
After we get off the phone, I take a deep breath, and I pray. “God, give me strength, and show me what to do now”. No, there are no lightning bolts or anything like that…and the sound of the boys arguing in the other room doesn’t go away…but I am reminded about something I read recently in How to Have a Heart for Your Kids. Rachael says that the Lord used homeschooling to shape HER! To soften the rough edges and make her heart more like His. To teach her patience and unselfishness. At that moment I feel convicted…maybe homeschooling isn’t as much for my kids as it is for me. To mold me into the woman God wants me to be, so I can then mold my children.
I decide to cut things short for today, and just spend some time hanging out with my boys. Because I am a homeschooler, I can do that! 🙂 Although, I admit, at first it was really hard for me to let go of my “to do” list! I like to check everything off, but I know I just have to accept that some days I won’t be able too. It’s a lesson in priorities. Maybe the Lord doesn’t care if we do equivalent fractions today or tomorrow, but I believe He does care about how I held my children’s hearts today.
So now I remember that tomorrow is another day. And I am thankful for good friends to stand by my side and encourage me when I need it. Mostly I am thankful for this life I lead, and thankful that I know I serve a God who is right beside me all the time. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13